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Bump...Bump...AmanwaswalkinghomealonelateonenightwhenhehearsaBUMP...BUMP...BUMP...behindhim.Walkingfasterhelooksbackandmakesouttheimageofanuprightcoffinbangingitswaydownthemiddleofthestreettowardshim...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...Terrifiedthemanbeginstoruntowardshishomethecoffinbouncingquicklybehindhim...faster...faster...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.Herunsuptohisdoorfumbleswithhiskeysopensthedoorrushesinslamsandlocksthedoorbehindhim.Howeverthecoffincrashesthroughhisdoorwiththelidofthecoffinclapping...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...onthehealsoftheterrifiedman.Rushingupstairstothebathroomthemanlockshimselfin.Hisheartispoundinghisheadisreelinghisbreathiscominginsobbinggasps.WithaloudCRASHthecoffinbreaksdownthedoor.Bumpingandclappingtowardshim.Themanscreamsandreachesforsomethinganything...butallhecanfindisaboxofcoughdropsDesperatehethrowsthecoughdropsatthecoffin......andofcourse......thecoffinstopsHalloweenCostumesAcouplewasgoingtoacostumeparty.Thehusbandwasunsureofwhatcostumetowear.Hiswifewastellinghimtohurryortheywouldbelatefortheparty.Shewaswalkingdownthestairsfromthebedroomcompletelynakedexceptonherfeetwereabigoldfloppypairofboots.Whereisyourcostumethehusbandasked.Thisisitrepliedhiswife.Whattheheckkindofcostumeisthataskedthehusband.WhyIamgoingasPussinBootsexplainsthewife.Nowhurryandgetyourcostumeon.Thehusbandwentupstairsandwasbackinabouttwominutes.Healsowascompletelynakedexcepthehadarosevaseslidoverhispenis.Whattheheckkindofcostumeisthataskedthewife.Iamafirealarmhereplied.Afirealarmsherepeatedlaughing.Yeshereplied.IncaseoffirebreaktheglasspulltwiceandIcome.NunsvsVampireTwonunsSisterMaryAgnesandSisterMaryVincentaretravelingthroughEuropeintheircarsightseeinginTransylvania.Astheyarestoppedatatrafficlightoutofnowhereasmallvampirejumpsontothehoodofthecarandhissesatthemthroughthewindshield.QuickquickshoutsSisterMaryAgnesWhatshouldwedoTurnthewindshieldwiperson.ThatwillgetridoftheabominationsaysSisterMaryVincent.SisterMaryAgnesswitchesonthewiperswhichknockthemini-Draculaaround.Buthehangsonandcontinueshissingatthenuns.WhatshallIdonowsheshouts.Trythewindshieldwasher.IfilleditwithholywaterbeforewelefttheVaticanrepliesSisterMaryVincent.SisterMaryAgnesturnsonthewindshieldwasher.Thevampirescreamsasthewaterburnshisskinbuthehangsonandcontinueshissingatthenuns.NowwhatshoutsSisterMaryAgnes.ShowhimyourcrosssaysSisterMaryVincent.NowyouretalkingsaysSisterMaryAgnes.ShethenopensthewindowandshoutsGetthehelloffourcarTop10SignsYouAreTooOldtoBeTrickorTreating10.Yougetwindedfromknockingonthedoor.9.Youhavetohaveakidchewthecandyforyou.8.Youaskforhighfibercandyonly.7.Whensomeonedropsacandybarinyourbagyouloseyourbalanceandfallover.6.PeoplesayGreatKeithRichardsmaskandyourenotwearingamask.5.WhenthedooropensyouyellTrickor...andcantremembertherest.4.Bytheendofthenightyouhaveabagfullofrestrainingorders.3.Youhavetocarefullychooseacostumethatwontdislodgeyourhairpiece.2.YouretheonlyPowerRangerintheneighborhoodwithawalker.1.Youavoidgoingtohouseswhereyourexeslive.39WWW.FLIPMAGAZINE.NET