Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30/ŚĂǀĞĂůŽǀĞͬŚĂƚĞƌĞůĂƚŝŽŶƐŚŝƉǁŝƚŚŵLJƉƵƌƐĞ͘ DLJƉƵƌƐĞůŽǀĞƐƚŽĨŽŽůǁŝƚŚŵĞĂŶĚ/ŚĂƚĞƚŚĞǁĂLJŝƚƚƌĞĂƚƐŵĞ͘ óóó͘¥½®Öæƒþ®Ä›͘ěã&›ÙçƒÙùϮϬϭϳ ϭϯ SANDRA WAGNER KDLOVIURP&KLFDJR,OOLQRLV+DYLQJVSHQWKHUHQWLUHFDUHHULQWKHVRIWZDUHLQGXVWU\VKHȽ QGVFUHDWLYH RXWOHWLQZULWLQJȽ FWLRQDUWWKHDWUHDQGPXVLF,QLQKHUPLGǾVVKHVXFFHVVIXOO\PDGHWKHWUDQVLWLRQIURPPDOH WRIHPDOHRQWKHMREDWDODUJHȽ QDQFLDOLQVWLWXWLRQDQGKHOSHGWKHPZULWHJXLGHOLQHVIRUWUDQVLWLRQIRUWUDQVVH[XDOVDQG JHQGHUYDULDQWLQGLYLGXDOV6KHLVPDUULHGWRKHUKXVEDQG-XQH6KHKHOSVUDLVHKHUWZRJUDQGGDXJKWHUVZKRGRQRW Ƚ QGLWRGGDWDOOWKDWJUDQGPD6DQG\XVHGWREHDER\DQGDFWXDOO\WKLQNLWǾVNLQGRIVSHFLDO6KHKDVFUHDWHGDQG SUHVHQWHGDZRUNVKRSFDOOHGȁ7UDQVJHQGHU7UDQV,QIRUPDWLRQIRUWKH1RQ7UDQV&RPPXQLW\Ȃ6KHLVDYROXQWHHU DQGDFWLYHPHPEHURIWKH/*%7FRPPXQLW\ My Purse Hates Me: EVERY WOMAN’S STRUGGLE By Sandra Wagner I feel a purse should be a girl’s faithful companion, her familiar. It should hold all that she needs and hand it to her exactly when she needs it. To my mind, nothing depicts a woman as being a ditz more than seeing her digging around in her purse looking for her car keys. It ŵĂŬĞƐŚĞƌƐĞĞŵůŝŬĞƐŚĞŝƐƚŽŽƐĐĂƩ ĞƌďƌĂŝŶĞĚƚŽƌĞŵĞŵͲ ďĞƌǁŚŝĐŚƉĂƌƚŽĨƚŚĞƉƵƌƐĞƐŚĞůĞŌ ƚŚĞŵ͘/ŵĞĂŶŚŽǁ hard is that!? Some bag that is less than a half of a cubic ĨŽŽƚŝŶǀŽůƵŵĞĂŶĚLJŽƵĐĂŶΖƚƉŝĐŬŽƵƚƚŚŝƐďŝŐƌŝŶŐŽĨũĂŶͲ gling metal? zĞƚ͕ƐŽŽŌ ĞŶƚŚĂƚŝƐŵĞĂŶĚ/͛ŵƐƵƌĞŵŽƐƚŽĨLJŽƵ͘DLJ purse slammed on the hood of my car, with me pulling ŽƵƚĞǀĞƌLJƚŚŝŶŐƚƌLJŝŶŐƚŽĮ ŶĚŵLJŬĞLJƐ͘ŶĚŵĞŐĞƫ ŶŐĂůů WD^LJĂƚƐŽŵĞŐƵLJƚƌLJŝŶŐƚŽďĞŚĞůƉĨƵůĂƐŚĞƉƵƚƐŚŝƐŚĂŶĚ ĂŐĂŝŶƐƚƚŚĞǁŝŶĚŽǁŽĨŵLJĐĂƌƚƌLJŝŶŐƚŽƐĞĞŝĨ/ůĞŌ ŵLJ ŬĞLJƐŝŶƚŚĞŝŐŶŝƟ ŽŶ;ĂŐĂŝŶͿ͘/ƐǁĞĂƌƚŚĂƚŵLJƉƵƌƐĞ;ƌĞĂĚ ĚĂĞŵŽŶĨƌŽŵŚĞůůͿƚƌŝĞƐƚŽĞŵďĂƌƌĂƐƐŵĞ͘ I like purses with a lot of compartments. I like to put my ĐĞůůƉŚŽŶĞĂŶĚƚƌĂŝŶƟ ĐŬĞƚŝŶŽŶĞƉůĂĐĞƐŽ/ĐĂŶĂůǁĂLJƐ Į ŶĚŝƚ͘/ǁĂŶƚŵLJŵĂŬĞƵƉƚŽďĞŝŶĂŶŽƚŚĞƌĐŽŵƉĂƌƚŵĞŶƚ so I can do what I need to do and go on. Keys, sunglasses, same thing. Put them in, and hand them to me when I want them. Is that so hard? DLJƉƵƌƐĞŝƐŶŽƚŚŝŶŐƐƉĞĐŝĂů͕ƌĂƚŚĞƌŶŽŶĚĞƐĐƌŝƉƚ/ĚŽŶΖƚƌĞͲ ĂůůLJŐŽŝŶĨŽƌ;ĂŶĚĐĂŶΖƚĂī ŽƌĚͿĂĚĞƐŝŐŶĞƌƉƵƌƐĞ͘dŚĞǁŚŽůĞ ŝĚĞĂŽĨƚĂŬŝŶŐƚŚĞŝŶŝƟ ĂůƐŽĨƚŚĞŵĂŬĞƌĂŶĚƚƵƌŶŝŶŐƚŚĞŵ ŝŶƚŽĂƉĂƩ ĞƌŶŽŶƚŚĞƉƵƌƐĞũƵƐƚƚŽƐŚŽǁŽī ŚŽǁĂŋ ƵĞŶƚ LJŽƵĂƌĞƐĞĞŵƐƐŽŽƐƚĞŶƚĂƟ ŽƵƐ͘EŽ͕ŵLJƉƵƌƐĞŝƐĂƐŝŵƉůĞ ďƌŽǁŶƚŽŶĞĂī ĂŝƌǁŝƚŚƚŚƌĞĞnjŝƉƉĞƌƉŽĐŬĞƚƐĂŶĚĐŽŵͲ partments inside. It seemed like the perfect companion when I got it. The trouble started early on. I would put my car keys in the outer zipper pocket and when I would go to take them out, they would be in the other pocket. KƌŝƚǁŽƵůĚƉůĂLJŚŝĚĞĂŶĚƐĞĞŬǁŝƚŚŵĞ͘/ǁŽƵůĚďĞƌƵŵͲ maging around in there looking for my sunglasses and they would be nowhere to be found. I would look in all ƚŚĞĐŽŵƉĂƌƚŵĞŶƚƐĂŶĚŶŽƚĮ ŶĚƚŚĞŵ͘/ŬŶĞǁĨƵůůǁĞůů that they were in there and then they would be nowhere to be found two hours later when I go looking for them. Fortunately, I keep a spare pair in the glove compartment. Then when I get home I put the spare back in the glove compartment and I peek in the purse and there are my ƌĞŐƵůĂƌƐƵŶŐůĂƐƐĞƐƐŝƫ ŶŐŽŶƚŽƉ͘ Grrrr! ŶĚƚŚĂƚǁŚŽůĞƚŚŝŶŐŽĨŚĂŶĚŝŶŐLJŽƵĞdžĂĐƚůLJǁŚĂƚLJŽƵ ŶĞĞĚũƵƐƚǁŚĞŶLJŽƵŶĞĞĚŝƚhŚͲƵŚ͊KŶĞƟ ŵĞǁŚĞŶ/ǁĂŶƚͲ ĞĚŵLJůŝƉƐƟ ĐŬ͕ŝƚŚĂŶĚĞĚŵĞĂŚĞĂĚŐĂƐŬĞƚĨŽƌĂϭϵϱϮ Buick. Where the hell it got that I'll never know! ŶŽƚŚĞƌƟ ŵĞŝƚŚĂŶĚĞĚŵĞĂƚĞƐƐĞƌĂĐƚ͘ That thing is cursed! Or at least has a demented sense of humor.IswearIcanalmosthearitgigglingtoitselfinthenight as it concocts its devious plans for my next embarrassment. I think it was made by Rod Serling. I'd get rid of it, if I could. But I don't want to make it mad. It might come back.