Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30/ŚĂǀĞĂůŽǀĞͬŚĂƚĞƌĞůĂƚŝŽŶƐŚŝƉǁŝƚŚŵǇƉƵƌƐĞ͘ DǇƉƵƌƐĞůŽǀĞƐƚŽĨŽŽůǁŝƚŚŵĞĂŶĚ/ŚĂƚĞƚŚĞǁĂǇŝƚƚƌĞĂƚƐŵĞ͘ óóó͘¥½®ÖÃ¦þ®Ä͘Äã&ÙçÙùϮϬϭϳ ϭϯ SANDRA WAGNER KDLOVIURP&KLFDJR,OOLQRLV+DYLQJVSHQWKHUHQWLUHFDUHHULQWKHVRIWZDUHLQGXVWU\VKHȽ QGVFUHDWLYH RXWOHWLQZULWLQJȽ FWLRQDUWWKHDWUHDQGPXVLF,QLQKHUPLGǾVVKHVXFFHVVIXOO\PDGHWKHWUDQVLWLRQIURPPDOH WRIHPDOHRQWKHMREDWDODUJHȽ QDQFLDOLQVWLWXWLRQDQGKHOSHGWKHPZULWHJXLGHOLQHVIRUWUDQVLWLRQIRUWUDQVVH[XDOVDQG JHQGHUYDULDQWLQGLYLGXDOV6KHLVPDUULHGWRKHUKXVEDQG-XQH6KHKHOSVUDLVHKHUWZRJUDQGGDXJKWHUVZKRGRQRW Ƚ QGLWRGGDWDOOWKDWJUDQGPD6DQG\XVHGWREHDER\DQGDFWXDOO\WKLQNLWǾVNLQGRIVSHFLDO6KHKDVFUHDWHGDQG SUHVHQWHGDZRUNVKRSFDOOHGȁ7UDQVJHQGHU7UDQV,QIRUPDWLRQIRUWKH1RQ7UDQV&RPPXQLW\Ȃ6KHLVDYROXQWHHU DQGDFWLYHPHPEHURIWKH/*%7FRPPXQLW\ My Purse Hates Me: EVERY WOMAN’S STRUGGLE By Sandra Wagner I feel a purse should be a girl’s faithful companion, her familiar. It should hold all that she needs and hand it to her exactly when she needs it. To my mind, nothing depicts a woman as being a ditz more than seeing her digging around in her purse looking for her car keys. It ŵĂŬĞƐŚĞƌƐĞĞŵůŝŬĞƐŚĞŝƐƚŽŽƐĐĂƩ ĞƌďƌĂŝŶĞĚƚŽƌĞŵĞŵͲ ďĞƌǁŚŝĐŚƉĂƌƚŽĨƚŚĞƉƵƌƐĞƐŚĞůĞŌ ƚŚĞŵ͘/ŵĞĂŶŚŽǁ hard is that!? Some bag that is less than a half of a cubic ĨŽŽƚŝŶǀŽůƵŵĞĂŶĚǇŽƵĐĂŶΖƚƉŝĐŬŽƵƚƚŚŝƐďŝŐƌŝŶŐŽĨũĂŶͲ gling metal? zĞƚ͕ƐŽŽŌ ĞŶƚŚĂƚŝƐŵĞĂŶĚ/͛ŵƐƵƌĞŵŽƐƚŽĨǇŽƵ͘DǇ purse slammed on the hood of my car, with me pulling ŽƵƚĞǀĞƌǇƚŚŝŶŐƚƌǇŝŶŐƚŽĮ ŶĚŵǇŬĞǇƐ͘ŶĚŵĞŐĞƫ ŶŐĂůů WD^ǇĂƚƐŽŵĞŐƵǇƚƌǇŝŶŐƚŽďĞŚĞůƉĨƵůĂƐŚĞƉƵƚƐŚŝƐŚĂŶĚ ĂŐĂŝŶƐƚƚŚĞǁŝŶĚŽǁŽĨŵǇĐĂƌƚƌǇŝŶŐƚŽƐĞĞŝĨ/ůĞŌ ŵǇ ŬĞǇƐŝŶƚŚĞŝŐŶŝƟ ŽŶ;ĂŐĂŝŶͿ͘/ƐǁĞĂƌƚŚĂƚŵǇƉƵƌƐĞ;ƌĞĂĚ ĚĂĞŵŽŶĨƌŽŵŚĞůůͿƚƌŝĞƐƚŽĞŵďĂƌƌĂƐƐŵĞ͘ I like purses with a lot of compartments. I like to put my ĐĞůůƉŚŽŶĞĂŶĚƚƌĂŝŶƟ ĐŬĞƚŝŶŽŶĞƉůĂĐĞƐŽ/ĐĂŶĂůǁĂǇƐ Į ŶĚŝƚ͘/ǁĂŶƚŵǇŵĂŬĞƵƉƚŽďĞŝŶĂŶŽƚŚĞƌĐŽŵƉĂƌƚŵĞŶƚ so I can do what I need to do and go on. Keys, sunglasses, same thing. Put them in, and hand them to me when I want them. Is that so hard? DǇƉƵƌƐĞŝƐŶŽƚŚŝŶŐƐƉĞĐŝĂů͕ƌĂƚŚĞƌŶŽŶĚĞƐĐƌŝƉƚ/ĚŽŶΖƚƌĞͲ ĂůůǇŐŽŝŶĨŽƌ;ĂŶĚĐĂŶΖƚĂī ŽƌĚͿĂĚĞƐŝŐŶĞƌƉƵƌƐĞ͘dŚĞǁŚŽůĞ ŝĚĞĂŽĨƚĂŬŝŶŐƚŚĞŝŶŝƟ ĂůƐŽĨƚŚĞŵĂŬĞƌĂŶĚƚƵƌŶŝŶŐƚŚĞŵ ŝŶƚŽĂƉĂƩ ĞƌŶŽŶƚŚĞƉƵƌƐĞũƵƐƚƚŽƐŚŽǁŽī ŚŽǁĂŋ ƵĞŶƚ ǇŽƵĂƌĞƐĞĞŵƐƐŽŽƐƚĞŶƚĂƟ ŽƵƐ͘EŽ͕ŵǇƉƵƌƐĞŝƐĂƐŝŵƉůĞ ďƌŽǁŶƚŽŶĞĂī ĂŝƌǁŝƚŚƚŚƌĞĞǌŝƉƉĞƌƉŽĐŬĞƚƐĂŶĚĐŽŵͲ partments inside. It seemed like the perfect companion when I got it. The trouble started early on. I would put my car keys in the outer zipper pocket and when I would go to take them out, they would be in the other pocket. KƌŝƚǁŽƵůĚƉůĂǇŚŝĚĞĂŶĚƐĞĞŬǁŝƚŚŵĞ͘/ǁŽƵůĚďĞƌƵŵͲ maging around in there looking for my sunglasses and they would be nowhere to be found. I would look in all ƚŚĞĐŽŵƉĂƌƚŵĞŶƚƐĂŶĚŶŽƚĮ ŶĚƚŚĞŵ͘/ŬŶĞǁĨƵůůǁĞůů that they were in there and then they would be nowhere to be found two hours later when I go looking for them. Fortunately, I keep a spare pair in the glove compartment. Then when I get home I put the spare back in the glove compartment and I peek in the purse and there are my ƌĞŐƵůĂƌƐƵŶŐůĂƐƐĞƐƐŝƫ ŶŐŽŶƚŽƉ͘ Grrrr! ŶĚƚŚĂƚǁŚŽůĞƚŚŝŶŐŽĨŚĂŶĚŝŶŐǇŽƵĞǆĂĐƚůǇǁŚĂƚǇŽƵ ŶĞĞĚũƵƐƚǁŚĞŶǇŽƵŶĞĞĚŝƚhŚͲƵŚ͊KŶĞƟ ŵĞǁŚĞŶ/ǁĂŶƚͲ ĞĚŵǇůŝƉƐƟ ĐŬ͕ŝƚŚĂŶĚĞĚŵĞĂŚĞĂĚŐĂƐŬĞƚĨŽƌĂϭϵϱϮ Buick. Where the hell it got that I'll never know! ŶŽƚŚĞƌƟ ŵĞŝƚŚĂŶĚĞĚŵĞĂƚĞƐƐĞƌĂĐƚ͘ That thing is cursed! Or at least has a demented sense of humor.IswearIcanalmosthearitgigglingtoitselfinthenight as it concocts its devious plans for my next embarrassment. I think it was made by Rod Serling. I'd get rid of it, if I could. But I don't want to make it mad. It might come back.